Wedding Checklist

No, I'm not getting married. Sorry if the title of this post got you all excited! I'm still waiting to be swept off my feet by a famous rock star...

But back to the point. Most of you know that I've played a lot of weddings during my career as a musician. I've seen many amazing things, some not-so-great things, and a few pretty ugly things. I sometimes wonder what goes through brides' heads when they're choosing colors, music, bridal party members, etc.

Since I've experienced the gamut of weddings, I have a long list that I've compiled over the years. Not a list of what I want, but a very lengthy list of what I don't want at my own wedding. I've decided to share a few items from that list with you, my faithful readers.

Things Which Will NOT Be In My Wedding (if it ever happens)

1. Children: No, I don't mean children won't be allowed at all. But there will be no children in the wedding party. Don't get me wrong--kids are great. But they don't do what they're told. I have never--ever, ever, EVER--played or attended a wedding in which the flower girl(s) and ring bearer did what they were supposed to do. Sometimes they won't walk down the aisle at all. If they do make it down the aisle, they run instead of walking at the leisurely pace they practiced the night before. And if they happen to walk calmly down the aisle, they usually act up during the ceremony. I once played a wedding where the flower girl was very careful to only toss a few of the metallic leaves in her basket onto the floor. She then proceeded to play with the rest of the leaves for the duration of the ceremony, even overturning the basket at one point and dumping the remainder on her head. No kids.
2. Canon in D: If you don't know Pachelbel's infamous "Canon," Google it. Then watch this comedian explain why it's torture to play. Don't get me wrong--it's a beautiful piece of music. Cellists either see it as boringly easy or relaxingly easy. But everyone uses it. I'll be honest; I try to talk brides out of it if they mention that they'd like my trio to play it for their ceremony. It's just so unoriginal. Since it's so overused, it will not be within miles of my wedding. If you have a Canon ringtone, you'd better silence your phone. If I hear one strain of that dad-blamed tune at any time on my wedding day, I cannot be held responsible for my resulting actions. Someone's going to get hurt.
3. The color red:   Those of you who know me well may be shocked at this, since red is my favorite color. But I already know who my Maid of Honor will be and she's a redhead. I would never torture her by making her wear my favorite color when it would clash with her beautiful hair and complexion! I know there are certain shades of red that some see as okay for redheads, but I figure it's just easier to choose another color than search and search for just the right shade of red. There are other colors I like, and I'll choose from them.
4. Garter removal: This is technically from the reception but it's still part of the wedding day, so I'm including it. The tradition of the groom removing the bride's garter and then throwing it to a group of single males is cute and all, and I see how it's nice to have a male parallel to the bride's throwing of the bouquet. But this is one tradition I've never been a fan of. It just seems a little dirty to me. Hey, everyone watch while my husband feels up my leg underneath my wedding gown...because that's something that should happen in public. Ugh. Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned.

So there's a bit of my list. What are some things you do or don't want at your wedding? Or, if you're already married, is there anything you would change if you could do it over?